Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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