When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
