We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
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Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
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I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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