My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
