He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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