i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
