I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
