My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
