Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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