Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
