Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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