i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
