we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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