I am in a vortex of obligation.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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