i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
