i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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