I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
