Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
