HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So gin and wine won't be happening again
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
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i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
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I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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