you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
