I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
