why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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