my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
