tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
