he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
