Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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