What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
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I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
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He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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