i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
