Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
