My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
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So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
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For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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