you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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