And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
