I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
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I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
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Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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