I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
The best revenge is premature balding
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
