Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
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i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
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Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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