Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
