Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
