First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
