R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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