I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
