I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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