i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Less talking, more tequila
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
