I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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