i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
