i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize