Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
