he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
