you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
