is your mom at the bar?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
