well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
