just come out here and I will go home with you...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
