and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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