I'm going to rape someone's good day.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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