Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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