Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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