A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
