I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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