I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
