wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
