making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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