that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
