Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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