Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Randomize
