i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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