So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
