I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
