I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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