oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
