at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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