Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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