Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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