I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
