I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
