Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize