I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
