Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
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