apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
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bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
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I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?