Texts From Last Night

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  (630): View more from Illinois

  My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!

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  (630): My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea! http://tfl.nu/pudz
  Replies (5) Good night (956) Bad night (1408)
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  (818): View more from California

  I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.

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  (818): I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol. http://tfl.nu/1x7g
  Replies (28) Good night (6400) Bad night (823)
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  (914): View more from New York

  I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".

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  (914): I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit". http://tfl.nu/lyvs
  Replies (19) Good night (7137) Bad night (911)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know

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  (216): Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know http://tfl.nu/zyp8
  Replies (25) Good night (1164) Bad night (5323)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.

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  (941): I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever. http://tfl.nu/ukm2
  Replies (11) Good night (5146) Bad night (1120)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.

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  (785): So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again. http://tfl.nu/nxev
  Replies (16) Good night (862) Bad night (5860)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Are you alive?

  (1-204): View more from Manitoba

  I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.

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  (204): Are you alive? (1-204): I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all. http://tfl.nu/y639
  Replies (4) Good night (1662) Bad night (808)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  eta to your mouth 5 minutes

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  (501): eta to your mouth 5 minutes http://tfl.nu/vxef
  Replies (6) Good night (1359) Bad night (572)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow

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  (304): Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow http://tfl.nu/l8ph
  Replies (10) Good night (4157) Bad night (821)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad

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  (513): Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad http://tfl.nu/ehr3
  Replies (8) Good night (1118) Bad night (2240)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"

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  (443): My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch" http://tfl.nu/szrk
  Replies (4) Good night (1640) Bad night (601)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON

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  (414): Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON http://tfl.nu/rpwp
  Replies (7) Good night (1535) Bad night (436)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.

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  (248): sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom. http://tfl.nu/qeu4
  Replies (4) Good night (915) Bad night (421)
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  (716): View more from New York

  BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch

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  (716): BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch http://tfl.nu/tu7j
  Replies (1) Good night (698) Bad night (541)
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  (+35): View more from

  I just look at my butt and see so much potential.

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  (+35): I just look at my butt and see so much potential. http://tfl.nu/m633
  Replies (1) Good night (478) Bad night (187)

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