everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.