Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
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In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
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And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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