you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.