and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.